It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Ahhhh, the holidays...Thanksgiving was my first holiday with my new stomach. To my own surprise, I wasn’t anxious about eating. I had some snacks. That was not a great idea. They went down fine, of course, but snacking can really get you into trouble after weight loss surgery. You might not be getting the nutrition you need and you’re probably taking in more fat and calories than you want. Plus, a nibble here and a nibble there doesn’t quite fill you up, so over the course of a couple hours, snacking every fifteen minutes can allow you to really experience unsuccessful weight loss.

Dinner came and it was quite a spread, as you can imagine. I took a small plate and had maybe a tablespoon of the following: turkey, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes and spoon bread. Were they the best options? No. But I was happy and sometimes you have to give yourself a little leeway. One family member looked at my plate and commented “That’s so sad!” His plate was heaping full and he went back for seconds. The thought of all that food actually made me sick. I was perfectly happy with my small portion.  

Pecan pie has always been my favorite and so a while later when dessert was served, I had a bite of someone else’s and was happy. Christmas came and went and I did pretty much the same. A bite of this, a bite of that and I was happy. I didn't make the best decisions, but I ended up losing 6lbs over the month of December so I was happy. In previous years, I typically packed on an extra five...

I didn’t want to be the person that would test the limits and see what she could or couldn’t eat, but eventually, I couldn’t help myself. Luckily, I learned quickly. It is true that you can pretty much eat anything, but you will suffer consequences. It’s different for everyone, but too much sugar leaves me feeling nauseous and terrible. I can’t even think for a while until the feeling is gone. The sweet things that typically give me the most problems are ones of a thinner consistency. I can take a bite of a cookie and maybe feel a little icky, but a swig or two of chocolate milk and I’ll be lying down or in the bathroom for half an hour! I haven’t yet ventured down the ice cream path. I just know the liquid-like treat will cause me to have dumping syndrome and I don’t like the feeling. Do I miss ice cream? To an extent. It was an old favorite. But I’m not tempted to go to Graeter’s or UDF. I will occasionally have a weight watchers bar or a sugar free fudge bar or something.

The sugar issue is a major thing with me. It affects a lot of the decisions I make, so I’m actually glad I have that sugar intolerance. It forces me to stay in line a little more. The other day I ate just the peanut butter icing out of the middle of a piece of cake and I felt like I was dying! I still like to be social with friends. I don’t go out as much as I used to because I’m still working on myself and I don’t need the extra calories, but I’ve been out maybe four times since my surgery. Of course I enjoy a drink or two… that might be the understatement of the year! But I limit myself to about 3 drinks max. My tolerance is different than it was before. I can’t drink carbonation and I can’t drink too much sugar, so I’ve made my own little concoction: Tequila and water on ice with a splash of cranberry and lime juice. I’ve also been known to drink vodka and water with a splash of grapefruit. To me, it’s delicious. My friends, however, often tell me, “You keep telling yourself that!” The point: do what works for you! I have a friend who will drink Captain and Diet Coke. She’ll buy a liter of Diet Coke and let it sit open for a day until the carbonation is gone, then she’ll bring it with her and just buy captain on ice…

If you have had surgery and are a social drinker, please share what you like to drink or what works for you.

The Nature of the Beast

It has been three long months since my last post... I had intentions of posting every week, but, well, we see how that went!

I will try to make this a brief summary highlighting the most important occurrences that might possibly help someone. The good news—I’m down 65lbs total! I had lost a little before surgery, but the bulk of it, obviously, is because of the surgery. I’ve had a hard time mentally… please, people; go to therapy! I do not have a random statistic of how many people who are morbidly obese also have a food addiction, but my thought is that it’s pretty high. I recently had a person who is scheduled to have the gastric sleeve soon tell me that she didn’t believe she had an addiction. Maybe she doesn’t. I thought my addiction was under control until after surgery!

My first meal when I was able to eat soft foods was cottage cheese. I’ve never loved cottage cheese so much in my LIFE. It was soooo good. I hadn’t had anything but liquids for about five days, so as you can imagine, the cottage cheese tasted like the best thing since sliced bread. I ate about ¾ of the individual size. I was full. Absolutely stuffed. Couldn’t eat more. That made me stop eating, but in my mind, I wanted to eat more. It tasted so good! And so began my daily struggle of saying no to food.

I still struggle with this. At the time, I thought the world was ending. My roommate at the time wasn’t a help. To no fault of her own, she did not know my weight struggles. She was supportive in every way she knew how to be, but one day I came home to the smell of pumpkin cookies baking in the oven… I woke to a delightful scene of iced pumpkin cookies sitting on the stove. I packaged them up and put them away so I wouldn’t have to look at them. Then I cried. I wanted one so bad. I called my friend Lori who had surgery about two years ago almost. I needed help. If there’s anything worse than crying over spilled milk, it’s crying over pumpkin cookies! I felt incredibly silly calling, but I’m so glad I did. Lori has a teenage daughter and proceeded to tell me that three weeks post-op from her surgery, her daughter had a friend over and they wanted to order pizza. Lori couldn’t eat pizza. She thought she’d be ok. She was doing well, as was I at the time of this pumpkin cookie meltdown… But by the time the smell of fresh pizza hit the air, Lori was in panic mode. “I went to my room and cried. I cried because I couldn’t have pizza and I wanted it so bad.” This was exactly what I needed to hear. And I share her story and mine with you in hopes that if you have a similar experience, you will know that it’s ok to cry over food. You will miss it. It was there for you. It got you through good times and bad, happy and sad, celebrations and depressions and social interactions…

I felt deprived off and on for a good month and a half or so. I thought it was terrible, but I knew it would get better. At least I kept telling myself that!